"So many of ur friends make art and videos too? wow u have a lot in common! Too bad they're not closer so u could collaborate. but they're in Seattle.... wow.... This is just like iCarly."
-my mom
DKDHHDKDLJ

*holds up a jar* "EXCUSE ME... I ASK FOR EXTRA PICKLES"
-my mom, coming back from the store

"my god... she's huge. The mother of all berries. Would your friends call this a milfberry? this girl is JUICY"
-my mom, pulling a really big strawberry out of the carton

this was the strawberry in question. she do be lookin pretty milfy 🍓👀

"BE CAREFUL IN THE BIG DICK PANTS THEY STAIN EASIER!!!!! WITH SAUCE OR DIRT I MEAN. AAAAAA!!!"
-my mom, forgetting the word for "light gray sweatpants"

"gudmorning... it's Titty Tuesday! Would u like a waffle"
Thanks mom

"While I was waiting in the parkinglot I saw a lot of nice outfits! Are they homemade too? You kids and your cosplays.... My friend Sami is very good at that too. Plenty of costumes. but his most accurate one is the Heterosexual Man Outfit. Very convincing! It's like an alternate universe."
-my mom after I came back from a convention once

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"I can't believe how they managed to make a cartoon horse so Chinese. I bet her parents made her go to Horse Kumon or something every Sunday and now she still partly bases her self worth on whether she becomes a doctor. Just a bit. Even though she's an adult you can't completely let go of your horse grandmother in your brain nagging you about it. Even if you worked for the government. You're still an anxious Chinese horse. And every year is year of the horse now."
-my mom, @ twilight sparkle

My mom has never even watched mlp, she either knows way more than she lets on or this says something about the character design.

"She's Chinese. It's the bangs. And the books. I had friends like that. Also the rainbow one is Chinese too but like the type like your friends that bleach a bit of their hair before dying it but it comes out that specific shade of yellow and changes the shade of the dye on top. Because they're Chinese."

"When we were kids we used to hang out at the drugstore and read as much as we could of Tiger Beat behind the newsstand before someone told us to buy it. it would have stuff about music, celebrities, cute boys, 'who should you date' quizzes, etc. Do they have men's sports magazines but like for women who also do that? With Martial arts? You should make that. You can call it Tiger Beat You Up"

Thanks mom, I will 🐯✨

when I first told my mom about Chainsaw Man she heard "mango" instead of "manga" and commented "oh that's an unusual name.. but how does it taste?" And I said the art was Very Tastey and she was like "that's gud... I guess if you can name a fruit Granny Smith then you can give her grandson some chainsaws.... wow... just like u..." And we didn't realize we were talking about two different things until 5 minutes later jdkdHDKDKJDDKDJK

"That's the meme? Okay I understand. But In today's world, why say 'white woman spotted' when u can just go 'AAAA!!!!HAOLES!!!!' That covers all bases, and you'll never miss on their gender :D"

very inclusive, thanks mom 🍍

She has literally done this. Quietly. Many times.
AAAAA!

"No!!! No evil!!!! Only sweet!! No more being in the darkness! NO EVIL!!!!!
Ok fine, a little evil. but only if it's in a healthy manner please"

yesterday I told my mom about bite and attack and bite and attack and bite and attack and she was like "nooo! only hugs! Love! no bite no attack!"
but she came home today after dealing with difficult people and told me "I understand now..... The only thing I could think of while they were talking was BITE AND ATTACK AND BITE AND ATTACK AND BITE AND ATTACK AND BITE AND ATTACK AND-"

bite and attack!

"Goosebumps are those creepy books, Chickenskin is a sensation. You don't have to be at the scholastic bookfair or breaking the law to experience the latter"
breaking the law?
"Yeah! Touching nēnēs is a no-go. If you can feel the bumps on that goose it's probably because u ran it over. :c poor things. Chickens, though.... you can hold them all u want."
-my mom, on regional phrases 🍍🐔

"Thank u for reminding me that Gauntlet and Goblet are different things. I'm still disappointed that gauntlet doesn't mean tiny gloves or something though. And goblet isn't like... tiny cups. or tiny gobs. tiny gobbles. baby turkeys. I think baby turkeys should be called goblets."
- My Mom, on near-homophones

My mom just learned what "creampies" are and is now calling my dad gay for eating one she got him from the bakery. Love wins

@KC omg... i would read Tiger Beat You Up every week...

@KC twilight has such "kid trying to live up to impossible expectations" energy it's unreal

@BestGirlGrace yes. See. She can't be a terf. She's a a fag and female twink. Dash grew her hair out but twilight has had the same hairstyle since she was 6 because she's too busy studying at behest of her Chinese parents to even consider changing it. You can only have terf bangs if you're white but even then anyway in this essay I will

@KC It's not easy being a girltwink! Especially one that's gotta study study study all the time to the exclusion of everything else.

@BestGirlGrace Twilight Sparkle from My Little Pony: does not have terf bangs, she's just Chinese and also insane from eating too many books instead of actually grabbing food when pulling all nighters

Rene Descartes from Real Life: this woman has terf bangs.

@KC looking up rene descartes and every picture is this fucking doubtful "huh" like I just said my pronouns

@trishalynn thanks, she's flattered that u appreciate her takes on technicolor horse characterdesign LMAO

@KC Just checking, though, has your mom always been so self-aware of what Asian parents are like?

@trishalynn yes lol. We're nativehawaiian/Chinese and she is galaxybrain xD

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