"So many of ur friends make art and videos too? wow u have a lot in common! Too bad they're not closer so u could collaborate. but they're in Seattle.... wow.... This is just like iCarly."
-my mom
DKDHHDKDLJ

*holds up a jar* "EXCUSE ME... I ASK FOR EXTRA PICKLES"
-my mom, coming back from the store

"my god... she's huge. The mother of all berries. Would your friends call this a milfberry? this girl is JUICY"
-my mom, pulling a really big strawberry out of the carton