Pinned trill


[updated w a video made in audacity]

If I Can't Be Happy Let Me Be Useful

[preview of track on upcoming album]

Pinned trill

my respect/admiration/utter terror to the person who bought after 1 minute of release , H O W

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which is easy enough on a desktop os and only slightly more involved on a phone, but a future tv or appliance? when will i no longer be able to stop it

what about the web, how much *can* i stop it?

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at one stage, if pirating, you had to modify programs to defeat verification and stop them calling home - setting up firewall rules or editing hosts.txt or disabling certain services

over time I've had to start doing that for the OS itself, p much since win8, where everyone finally took notice of the decline

now its going to be the case of legitimate applications needing the same kind of quarantining

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its sobering, right now, thinking about how I'm going to have to either stop using or start finding ways to disable "ai" slop

it feels like there is a rapid drive to machine generation integration, its like watching people stictch sticky sinew connecting their own offspring to some rotting rough stitched construct of meat and muscle - a senseless amalgamation that moans meaninglessly and scribbles furtively, yet has somehow enamoured many


I'm meandering in thoughts (im cooking rn too) but its all so interconnected for me: I'm trying to be conscious of what i own and keep, and trying to not buy what i don't need and buy stuff that will last & be better for me in the long run, that all ties together

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and maintenance - a wooden chopping board needs periodic oiling, glass storage containers & bottles need scalding/sterilising, i generally need to take greater care with everything
(you can throw a few grains of rice in with dishsoap/washing liquid and water into a bottle to act as an abrasive if you can't get a brush down its neck)

iron and steel pans need taking care of a lot more, but you gain from learning how & when to use them - i found my cast iron perfect for naan and similar breads

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even if this sounds like some kind of minimalistic drive from me, its not, if anything my kitchen shows how much stuff I genuinely need/want. as I've become more deranged about plastics, ive gradually been replacing (when worn out) anything plastic with ; wood, glass, ceramic, metal, beeswax paper, silicone (when inescapable) and the like - it's led to me having to get much more organised w storage

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and to be SUPERtextual , I don't look down on anyone whos perspective is totally opposite to me, some people love to have all those things, i can understand the appeal intellectually if not emotionally.

i think, generally, the view of people like me is clouded by rich assholes making a moral virtue of the-kind-of-minimalism-only-the-wealthy-can-afford (although that seems to have been a blip of a movement, now passed) . i hate that, turning preferences into righteousness

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theres just something in having less that feels pleasant

having moved soo many times is probably a factor, it made me appreciate the things that live forever in boxes, that I never really needed to unpack

idk, maybe an alt universe me has bookshelves upon bookshelves (and someone to dust them), a vast collection of disc's that are ignored in favour of digital rips, a plethora of *things* I've accumulated that i look on fondly but never use

i dont know, thats not me at all

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this isn't about embracing some marie kondo adjacent ideas, its something ive always done

i like having less

its like noise? clutter, i dont like stuff everywhere.

i *don't* mean this wrt decorating, I don't like the spartan white walls (I've heard it called "millennial beige") associated w my generation, i rather like wall mounted framed prints and the like, i appreciate something to look at

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i know people are *supposed* to care about physical objects that tie them to various moments in their life, but its just not something i feel v often.

if anything i deeply enjoy getting rid of things

I know how the internet works and have large SSD storage, so I'm just so happy to not have to deal w CD/dvds and the like

i sold off my childhood consoles a few years ago (mega drive/genesis) and was just happy not to have the clutter

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just got paid for all my MtG cards - been collecting a long time, had some (gifted) alpha in there, but nothing super valuable. ended up selling them in bulk rather than try manually list everything and ship individually.

i honestly don't care if i only got ~50% of the hypothetical price, I'm glad not to have to deal w international shipping and individual buyers

its odd, i just don't feel too sentimental

i don't know who else was raised this way, but my families perspective was always that; if you can physically get up and go - you're not *really* sick

as you might guess, this means I've gone to work previously with fevers(etc) that got much worse as a consequence

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without excess detail, a string of irritating, definitely unconnected, not life threatening health issues that are directly messing w my ability to:

work on music

they've each been just enough of a problem to derail my efforts, but not enough that i feel justified convalescing - I don't do well psychologically with being a little sick, i still try do everything as normal (to my own detriment and partners frustration)

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despite my grounded materialist outlook, i feel like i have been old-school Cursed.

perhaps by a witch of some kind

regardless of enjoying the sensation, its really only something i carried on to stop smoking and at this point (while my lungs seem fine) i really do just need to quit nicotine anyway

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at the polar opposite end is the single use devices like "elf bars" which i find incredibly repugnant - vape shops would generally not sell to under 18s but it seems like newsagents were quite happy to & the ewaste generated is downright shameful

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