Molly Noise 🌙 @MollyNoise@shrike.club

i no longer seem to truly enjoy or desire food as much as i once did, I'm happy i still enjoy salted liquorice for its taste, but lacking the need to satiate hunger, im surprisingly unworried if i just stop enjoying this.

it seems the absence of hunger makes very few things appealing

I'm sure previously i would have regarded eating becoming a mechanical process as concerning, but now i mostly don't care

it is difficult to prefigure how you will react to a new context

dinner today was a romaine lettuce, 1/4 a cucumber, a carrot and a handful.lf raspberries, i once would have enjoyed that, today it was simply something easy to assemble that i could eat to not satiate a hunger (i do not seem to properly experience the sensation of hunger anymore unless 10+ hours have passed since taking meds) but instead to just take away a vaguely empty feeling in my stomach

I'm sure I'll find something reliable

still, im unhappy finding anything concrete in the medical literature is so difficult. im not too surprised at the absence of studies on trans women and HRT, we've been such an afterthought, almost a hidden shame to the medical profession.

but I'm intellectually curious as to what is specifically occuring with methylphenidate and food

but finding myself fighting a revision to certain foods all the time is wearying, especially when it varies day to day.

it seems like more often I'm having to mask the taste or simply forgo a lot of things i once enjoyed

i do not think i can live off rice, lao gan ma and raw vegetables

I've seen a number of (dubious and unsourced) claims online that supposedly explain this, the only actual peer-reviewed papers I've read seem to suggest that the apatite suppressant effects of some adhd meds is that, indeed, they dial up a kind of natual revulsion to certain foods

sometimes even handling raw meat makes me feel ill (not a bad thing overall, i do want to proceed to a plant based diet)

im also taking methylphenidate, which seems to increase my reflexive nausea reaction to certain foods , i first noticed this with yoghurt, which as a child i found utterly revolting but grew to appreciate as a breakfast food as an adult.

right now the idea of consuming greek yoghurt is distinctly unappealing and has been since starting the aforementioned adhd meds

since 2018 when i started hrt,i go through something which is very clearly a hormonal cycle (my mam clued me into this when i offhandedly mentioned the symptoms)

it effects taste and apatite in certain ways, dairy + fish (which i normally like) at some times of the month are revolting, at the same time red meat becomes one of the few things i want to eat

ive made detailed notes about it but im unqualified to describe an actual neurological/endocrine based mechanism

former mutuals on other platforms, esp if you've changed username, just lmk

alternatively if (for any reason) you covet me following you, just lie and say you know me from bebo or something

(if you are a patron I'm legally required to follow you, hmu)

i think more USAians should advocate for a constitutional right to bare feet

what if the berghain piss guy was just a fremen?

an odd strip *tease* ?

no, not at all, this was a strip mockery.

did you not see the dismissive manner i removed my garter, the derisive fashion in which i undid my bra?

you boor

on a long enough timescale, every political illiterate (or outright charlatan) will reinvent third positionism

how to interpret "im neither left nor right"

1. literally a fascist (Third Position, The third ideology)

2. Im part of a labour party that has given up on the "labour" bit

3. i don't even know what "left" or "right" mean (beyond tone), think im a genius

4. *incoherent syncretism*

5. back from deep in the philosophy mines and do i have a totally unachievable political system for you!

6. im afraid to get yelled at, "centrist" means "sensible" right?

7. ""libertarian""

anyway , I'm just going to expect people to act like adults, if im saying something you want to reply to, then just do.

im not here to play for irrelevant numbers

"writing defensively" is just what I've taken to calling the heavily caveated writing that is typically found on twitter when a person wants to say something that is perhaps unintuitive or something that requires some degree of interrogation/ literacy and the presumption is (quite rightly) that some people online just enjoy being assholes who thrive on willful misinterpretation

for years I'd write up a reply and then just delete it, not only out of a generalized anxiety about insincere replies and a refusal to "write defensively", but also because i wondered, am i actually contributing anything to this conversation

and yet, im always a little let down when people seem to like things i write but don't reply, and as an artist i LOVE when people even choose to reply to a piece I've posted with some simple praise, it makes me feel less disconnected

I've found, with time, I've become restrained with saying things everyone else "obviously knows" and yet when i choose to chime in im oft greeted with interest

this isn't me claiming some kind of age'ed wisdom, more a reminder that we tend to over assume that what we know, what we are good at, isn't hard learned or difficult

"oh just date a sphynx catgirl"

no

im sorry

no

you wake up and she's used all the hot water again AND you're always running the heating OR she slides into bed like an icicle

youre just swapping one expense for another

everyone loves catgirls till they're spending 200eur a month on lint rollers and antihistamines