I'm being told that Archie season 5 takes place in 2021 but covid isnt' there and archie, who recently graduated high school, has war flashbacks that appear to be to world war 1 or 2

ok i'm sorry there was a timeskip and he graduated from high school 7 years ago, which makes war flashbacks to world war 1 or 2 so much more reasonable

I am 4 minutes into the first episode of Riverdale and I am already losing my mind. This guy said "Archie is Swell" and then called Archie a millenial. This is GRUESOMELY temporally unmoored and it is clearly intentional.

Riverdale 

Ok so Betty got "enjoy your youth" advice directly from Toni Morrison at a Toni Morrison book launch party, sure

Riverdale 

Veronica is apparently obsessed with Truman Capote as a high school sophomore

Riverdale 

Riverdale Writers 🤝 Dirk Strider
Intertextuality is the cornerstone of art and civilization

Riverdale 

"Mom I'm not Polly" maybe you should be poly

b

because you're

in an eternal love triangle

Riverdale 

"Did you tap some cougar ass" absolutely hellish phrase thank you for drawing attention to the fact that it's just a bad set of words @Paradox

Riverdale 

Ok Veronica is Carlos With The Perfect Teeth to Riverdale's Night Vale

Riverdale 

oh my god Josie and the Pussycats are here????

Riverdale 

The absurdity of this show is so clearly intentional and I'm really upset that people have been framing it as if the show runners dont' know what they're doing in that regard

Riverdale, incest sure why not 

Ok you cannot tell me that the Blossom twins were not fucking. in the first 45 seconds they gave each other bedroom eyes and just now she called him her soulmate. I assume she didn't murder him because that's too obvious but like

Riverdale 

I see, Archie and the hot teacher with heart shaped sunglasses fucked and we're just firing that bullet before the title card

Riverdale 

ok eternal recurrence or something Archie's dad and Veronica's Mom were also involved in a love triangle where Veronica's Mom chose the rich kid over the hardworking kid --------

Riverdale 

Ok so

You know how Riverdale is explicitly the kind of prime time soap opera where the premise is "We're a normal town but then a murder exposes all our dark secrets"?

Riverdale, the show, is that town.

The show Riverdale is spending season 1 establishing that this is a Normal Show. But there is so much signaling that "no you're wrong this is not a Normal Show"

Riverdale 

unlike my other readings this one is insincere and only funny:

Cheryl is Homura to Riverdale's Madoka Rebellion

Riverdale 

ok sure at minute 20 Betty and Veronica have a very good kiss and textually it's a like. Performance. But 20 minutes in.

Riverdale 

this show is blowing sooooo fucking many of its loads in the very first episode.

Riverdale 

Yes please give me every main character's entire character arc in episode one so that we can get to the good shit

Riverdale 

Luke Perry please stop whispering

Riverdale 

Ok so like seriously in episode 1 every character is either standing up to their oppressor or refusing the destiny that has been given to them and like.

Riverdale 

I cannot deal with this fucking "the song that my parents were listening to the night my twin brother and I were conceived" bit

Riverdale 

ok hey what the fuck why is the "everyone wants to kiss Archie" spin the bottle/seven minutes in heaven scene scored to Boyfriend by Tegan and Sara which is a song about not understanding why your best friend keeps lesbotically making out with you

Riverdale 

oh because Betty is Archie's best friend

Riverdale 

Everyone is in a different show than Cheryl Blossom and I love it

Riverdale 

I take it back, Jughead is in the same show as Cheryl

Riverdale 

god ok i can't watch another episode of this right now but y'all this show fucks

Riverdale 

Archie and Betty literally have the fuckin windows from the she wears jorp jorps video

Riverdale 

A threatening announcement that there will still be a pep rally. This is what we need.

Riverdale 

Nothing has contradicted my reading that Cheryl is in an entirely different piece than the rest of the characters

Riverdale 

HEY HOLY SHIT THE FROG DISSECTION SCENE? HEY Y'ALL WHY DO YOU SAY THIS SHOW IS NORMAL? WHAT ARE YOU FUCKERS TAKLING ABOUT???????

Riverdale 

Cheryl Blossom just said "I'm fine" then stabbed a frog and said "In fact I'm amazing" this show was never normal

Riverdale 

I very sincerely like this shot. this really speaks to the show.

Follow

Riverdale 

In which Cheryl Blossom ceases diegetic music through will power alone.

· · Web · 1 · 0 · 3

Riverdale, HSe 

working theory is that Cheryl and Jughead are in a narrative wrestling match like Calliope and Dirk in Meat but it will never be acknowledged

Riverdale 

twin peaks vibes at pop's sodium shop

Riverdale 

what the fuck is up with mantle the magnificent, those were some KILLER quips

Riverdale 

Josie (of the pussycats) is the mayor's daughter

Riverdale 

can't stop thinking about Cheryl blossom stabbing a frog while shouting "in fact, I'm amazing"

Riverdale 

"Guilt. Innocence. Good. Evil. Life. Death." Jughead is Locke

Riverdale 

"The plan was bananas. Even for me." THIS DELIVERY IS SO GOOD.

Riverdale 

"The Register could really use a Lois Lane type like you" YOU CAN'T, CW. YOU CAN'T.

Riverdale 

why do they all say the day it happened every single time.

"Why were you there the morning of July 4th. What were you doing out so early on July 4th."

Riverdale 

"Guys, should we maybe re-binge making a murderer on netflix tonight?" s h u t up

Riverdale 

Please for the love of god stop calling him "Juggy"

Riverdale 

"his conversation is not the stuff of Oscar Wilde, or even Diablo Cody" ok that's actually a solid gag

Riverdale 

"What's a sticky maple?"
"It's kind of what it sounds like. It's a riverdale thing."

THAT'S THE OPPOSITE OF AN ANSWER KEVIN

Riverdale 

"Does he not know who I am? I'll cut the breaks on his souped up phallic symbol!" VERONICA I LOVEYOU

Riverdale 

these comments have a lot going on

"TAKE UR STICKY SELF BACK 2 NYC SO THE RATS CAN EAT U CUZ U DON'T EVEN HAVE AN APT ANYMORE." is my favorite part

Followed by Ace McDonald and Ace McDolan

Cheryl Blossom: "I usually pity the poor, but..." is a close third

Riverdale 

"Sticky Maple, sticky maple, pretty soon she'll ask for..."

for what????

Riverdale 

"Go back to New york, you nasty doe."

Riverdale 

"A B & E with B & V" how long were you working on that one Cheryl

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