Jess (ontological) @fenderjess@shrike.club

"Jess come on you can't generalize, not all transfems do this" WELL MAYBE THEY SHOULD RETHINK THEIR PRIORITIES THEN HUH

transfem culture is visiting my house and giving me a lil smooch on the cheek

man... you know what's worse than drawing a face? drawing YOUR OWN face

as anxious as I was about the birthday party it ended up being really good and cathartic in a few ways

"hey let's have a small birthday dinner with your sister at 530 :)"
"ok sure"

6 hours later there's now gonna be TEN GUESTS OR MORE, only 3 of whom are here, and it's 7 and we haven't started eating yet

i have been in Emergency Social Mode for the past 4 hours and I'm going to run out of juice before this thing even starts and it keeps expanding and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

god this is what i get for not moving out when i was 18. everyone else my age has been struggling and learning how to survive for 15 years, meanwhile i'm learning in the moment and every little piece of complication just makes me fall to absolute pieces

boy tonight's a hard 180 from me declaring myself Hot Shit, huh

no matter how many times i fake it, i never make it

i feel like im a kind of person who ought to have a fursona and/or a trollsona. but i have neither. this is because i lack imagination

then again I'm being a horrible entitled monster wanting things like "living with loved ones" and "having stable housing where i can both be myself and not fear getting de-housed without warning" so of course the universe is gonna punish me for my hubris. only white men get to have that.

fuck should i detransition? at least then my unearned desires might get fulfilled

like. why the fuckin fuck does "living in a state that's not actively trying to kill me" have to be so fucking expensive. why are traumatized people like me trapped in the places that are worst for us why can't i just goddamn live?

every time i think I've got a chance for an ideal move reality crashes it down

wtf was i thinking proposing "split an expensive ass home mortgage" to a bunch of disabled queers, of course that was gonna get shot down. jess you fuckin moron why do you ever get your hopes up

listening to Master Of Puppets slowed down to the original speed/pitch they tracked the guitars at is a very different experience

the way to play guitar is to pick the thing up and play along to master of puppets very badly for 15 years until eventually you're playing it good

personally, and this is just your opinion, but I'm hot as fuck

COMPLETELY UNRELATED IM SURE but im also feelin v flirtatious right now

dykes and faggots of the world: hello