alphy april egbert-tautology @internetFionna@shrike.club

hey so uh

you may see less of me until i have a new place secured and i'm moved into it

and you will probably see a lot more of terezi and vriska and kanaya and karkat

please be nice to them. we share memory and they know *gestures* y'all. just treat them like people who type a bit weird and have faces you may recognize.

thanks.

also who the fuck are the try guys

literally never heard of them before today

we have been on hold for three and a half hours with dshs :[

So we have recently acquired two new system members.

Both are fragments of &, who we originally thought was a blend of alphy and Charra (myself), but seems to be more than that.

The first is Cyan, an octoling from Splatoon.

The second is Jade Harley.

I cannot begin to tell you how much this makes sense.

so uh

new name

really feeling "gender: mouse" lately

i should shrikepost some asemoko (and kakyu) tayochu

i feel like i've been in mourning for two weeks

i'm scared and i'm tired and i am so, so depressed

first barometric migraine in over a year

ow

so these dreams feel like an albatross around my neck, dragging me down to the floor, an anchor into a past that i… i don't want to forget, but that i want to move past

but i feel like i'll never be able to move past it

and i'll just die, paranoid and scared and alone and miserable

yet at the same time, like

i still actively struggle with the idea that i matter to people. when i lived in new york, i didn't matter to *anyone*. i literally had no meatspace friends before i moved here; i hadn't for *years.*

but here, people care about me. i matter to people. i'm actively, day after day, improving as a person. i like who i am way, *WAY* better.

i haven't been back to new york since i left. i haven't seen my mother since i left. the furthest east i've gone since living is tuscon, az.

but i sleep and i dream and… visually none of it is right, but the style and the aesthetics evoke long island, and some part of me misses it.

i keep having weird dreams that leave me with a sense of homesickness, and i'm not sure how to handle it

.@RoxannaRachnid drew my system's Kanaya and Karkat and they came out amazing 🤩