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Whenever I have to tell people that someone close to me is or has died, I really hate it when they say they're "sorry." I appreciate the sentiment, but it's just not what I need and greatly irks me.
Because of this, I have spent a lot of time trying to think of other ways to express sympathy and empathy to those who are grieving. Probably to the point where I do a bad job of doing exactly that.
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The best advice I ever heard, and what I have since adopted, was on an NPR show interviewing an author about a book on grief. The author advised that instead of saying you're sorry, give the person space to talk about what they've lost. Ask if the grieving person feels they can share the name of whoever has died so it can be about a person and not a feeling.
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This is absolutely a function of experiencing my mother's death. People are so kindhearted and I received numerous cards and calls of sympathy. For me, it quickly became a repetitive burden.
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Also uh this is not a subtoot to anyone who has said they're sorry to me in response to bad news. I cherish that support. It's entirely about how I try to handle these situations.
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@elecray7k imo no one gets good at responding to others' grief until they've experienced it themselves
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@elecray7k I was thinking about this more (because a friend's dog died in the hours since) and what I try to say instead of 'I'm sorry' in situations where a friend is suffering is 'I'm so sorry you're going through this' or 'I'm so sorry this is happening'
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@whitneyarner that is absolutely better, I might try that too
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@whitneyarner true that