STUDENT: why are you so… whatever about… you say you’d be like… annoyed with me if I hurt someone. that’s really not a big reaction. most people would be more upset.
ME: Do you want me to be upset? It’s a matter of perspective, bud. That doesn’t affect me at all. I think you’re sensible enough to make non-annoying choices.
HIM: hm…. but like, you’d be a little mad. you could be madder.
ME: I would be annoyed. I would not share a single triscuit with you that day.
HIM: ughhhhh. fine.
I don’t know if it’s possible to teach people how to recognize like “fishing for a reaction” but the true teacher jutsu is to under-react and offer a snack
Riley!
@esther I think it's like- under reacting to that kind of thing signals that it's okay for them to have the thoughts that they have, and as someone with OCD who didn't figure that out until my mid 20s it's real hard for a teenager to realize that on their own
@pataphysicker yeah, I’m no psychiatrist, but everything this kid has described sounds like Very Distressing Intrusive Thoughts that he’s certain will and should get him In Trouble, so he can be Punished, and his Fear And Confusion About What He’s Allowed To Say really make the situation worse, one way or another. I hope he reaches some kind of peace with it, as you did, in time, but I think there’s an extent to which you kinda have to Survive 15-18 to get there.
@esther you really really do. I try not to get hung up on like- what advice I'd give to my highschool self cause he probably wouldn't be ready to internalize any of it. best you can do is plant the seed that bad thoughts might not actually equate to bad actions
Every day people ask “how do you have such good behavioral outcomes with traumatized kids with ODD” and the answer is I do not react to SHIT. Every day children tell me they want to skin their dad and I say “well, did you? okay, I’m glad you didn’t, because that would be a huge hassle for me. I would be annoyed. would you like a cracker? are you hungry?”