the banach-folfsky paradox @rubiline@shrike.club

SUNSHOCK

Do you like my car

Oh, right. These people are New Yorkers. / this curtain is a punchline to the very first joke spoken by man / dishwasher but no cooking appliances / Resupply Cabinet from TF2 / the kind of desk you find in a war bunker / floor-level wall-mounted AC unit / the realtor didn't take a picture of the back wall for the same reason nobody has made an epub of the necronomicon

Oh, it's just the normal garage.

Hold on. Something's not adding up, is it? Did we miss a spot? Isn't this a two-car carhouse? What's with that door? If it leads back in, it's on the wrong side.

Wait... there's a dogshit spackling job... it's totally unfinished... weird exposed bracing... Oh, no.

hot tub jumpscare / for the longest time i had the misconception that everybody knew about these specific deeply uncomfortable green chairs - referred to them as "those green chairs, you know the ones, the ones that suck". my experiences are not universal / i used to think that all screen porches that looked better than this were "fancy"

now i am fond of this deck, but maybe that's because i literally did help build it from wood as a small child. this glass-top octagon table, however, is the pinnacle of "bad conversation magnet" and should be quarantined as a social hazard. anyway check out the window situation?

second ancillary attic go / the inset can lights are wild / A second story window view of the deck and nothing else

this - this i take serious issue with. in my ideal society the crime of "designing a bathroom in such a way that you can lock eyes with your reflection while shitting on the can" is punished with the cat 'o nine tails and three nights in the toilet crime stockade

one foot long baseboard heater - the tiny tim of this house's heating scheme

innovations in wack house design: a second fireplace in the same chimney column / this room's feng shui potential can be used for serious immortal killing magic / Strangely Symmetrified Tiled Fireplace Ahhh

one side of the attic leads to this very strange attic room. that tiny little door leads directly into wood beams and insulation. i learned how to solder here! with leaded solder and an exterior tub of flux! also, notably, the only room in the main part of this house with a *different* carpet? did they run out?

HA HA HA WELCOME TO MY POORLY PLANNED INTERIOR BALCONY

Can you guess whose room this was? Who spent endless sleepless nights staring up at the crayola ceiling fan, wondering why it had *two red blades on it*? Not even in rainbow order? This room was the only one with curtains and they were removed so I couldn't have privacy. Realized I was gay (in the closet), drew my first bit of gay pornography (in the closet), wrote baby's first prospective suicide note (in the closet). They left the decals on the wall though, cute.

anodyne bathroom nothing to see here. except for the textured rubber duck decals in the shower. forgivable stuff really. though the curtain does match the carpet, so you can never truly escape the teal

now, i'll be fair. this room was not always unfurnished. however, it was always not having curtains. also, the very square mattress... was always in here. not too egregious of a situation in isolation - but for the carpet, though perhaps that's a given considering almost every inch of this place is swathed in it

just a smattering of strange and awful architectural vistas you can expect to see in any god-fearing home

for sale: tv space, never adorned / 4000 years of carpetmaking and this is the first time someone's cut one like that / the eye of god refracting up from a concerningly low chandelier / That 70's Kitchen / ai-generated baccarat table / the curtain situation here is only a taste of what is to come / wall angles inspired by a nightmare from folktales / Yes, it was like this when I lived here

AAAHHH CARPET JUMPSCARE