you know, it's, like, almost 11 PM. i'm nice and relaxed, had a pleasant walk, got an affogato, had an excellent conversation with my wife. why don't we all take a stroll through my childhood home, circa 2019 when it was listed on realtor.com? i promise i grew up somewhere somewhat normal. i promise. i promise. let's talk about this house real quick?
for sale: tv space, never adorned / 4000 years of carpetmaking and this is the first time someone's cut one like that / the eye of god refracting up from a concerningly low chandelier / That 70's Kitchen / ai-generated baccarat table / the curtain situation here is only a taste of what is to come / wall angles inspired by a nightmare from folktales / Yes, it was like this when I lived here
now, i'll be fair. this room was not always unfurnished. however, it was always not having curtains. also, the very square mattress... was always in here. not too egregious of a situation in isolation - but for the carpet, though perhaps that's a given considering almost every inch of this place is swathed in it
anodyne bathroom nothing to see here. except for the textured rubber duck decals in the shower. forgivable stuff really. though the curtain does match the carpet, so you can never truly escape the teal
Can you guess whose room this was? Who spent endless sleepless nights staring up at the crayola ceiling fan, wondering why it had *two red blades on it*? Not even in rainbow order? This room was the only one with curtains and they were removed so I couldn't have privacy. Realized I was gay (in the closet), drew my first bit of gay pornography (in the closet), wrote baby's first prospective suicide note (in the closet). They left the decals on the wall though, cute.
one side of the attic leads to this very strange attic room. that tiny little door leads directly into wood beams and insulation. i learned how to solder here! with leaded solder and an exterior tub of flux! also, notably, the only room in the main part of this house with a *different* carpet? did they run out?
innovations in wack house design: a second fireplace in the same chimney column / this room's feng shui potential can be used for serious immortal killing magic / Strangely Symmetrified Tiled Fireplace Ahhh
one foot long baseboard heater - the tiny tim of this house's heating scheme
@rubiline i gotta admit, i'm a little jealous of the fireplace availability
my place has one but it's a fire hazard
@rubiline i'm going to throw up.
@rubiline They use such fans in movies to signal that a child is autistic
just a smattering of strange and awful architectural vistas you can expect to see in any god-fearing home